TV's leading comedians devoted their airtime criticizing President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa initiative, called the "gold card," portraying it as a clear pay-for-access system for the affluent.
Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis
Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday tune directed at the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he comes into contact with."
Colbert's target was the controversial initiative which enables international nationals to buy U.S. legal status for an investment of a million dollars, or "premium" option for five million. An official page promises processing "in record time."
"One thought for you to wealthy immigrants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.
He explained that the scheme is also intended to "squeeze cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your selection – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.
"The best background check the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants absolutely are eligible to be in America."
"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique
On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."
"Here's a card that will permit rich overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."
"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Concerns
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll numbers amid financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.
This week, in a effort to discuss cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."
"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.
